Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Young and Hopeless

I'm listening to: Blink 182- The Party Song

So.. what to tell of. I raised enough money for the stay out of jail fund, got a new job, questioned a relationship as well as a move and started reading a new book.

The money was donated very generously by Chris and my friend Daniel. So I'm very grateful to both of them for their help.

As for the job I've gotten a temp position at Greenville Memorial testing some robots. Sounds better than it is, but it's fairly easy work with good pay and can be fun at times. I'll only have that position for the next four weeks though. So I guess it's time to make some decision about what I want to do with the move. I'd like to stay but at the same time I don't want to struggle a great deal for it. I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that Diana's parents, who she thought might let me stay with them, will most likely say no.

I've got such mixed feelings about where I want to live right now. Apart from that I don't want to be living with Michael anymore. I can tell that it's already worn our relationship down significantly and to be truthful he just doesn't seem to be happy to see me anymore. Some of the things I especially liked about him, and our dating, have wained, if not altogether stopped.

For example at the beginning of our relationship he was very affectionate and liked to hug and cuddle me. And even though I wasn't used to that, and in fact wasn't very comfortable with it at the time, I grew to really appreciate it.

I really want to be able to go to school without any other pressures on me as well and I know that living on my own wouldn't do anything to alleviate stress. If it's one thing that I stress over more than anything else it's finances. And as much as I'd like to do well in class I wouldn't with that type of burden on me.

I'm just putting my faith in god that whatever happens will be the right path for me. Whether that's staying here, being with Michael or well.. everything. Right now though, the entire situation is weighing heavily on my heart, my mind having nothing to do with it.

Keep me in your prayers.